In these tough economic times...

The LA Times is here to help! In one of the flimsiest segues I've seen in recent memory, the food section capitalizes on today's woes to provide advice on saving money in the kitchen. In the opening of the article, the writers move from Lehman Brothers to enthusiastic home cooks.

Value is a relative concept. Just ask the folks at Lehman Brothers. But when it comes to ingredients and kitchen tools that beckon to the enthusiastic home cook, it's important to the bottom line -- in this case, a great meal -- to take a look at what's really worth your hard-earned cash -- and what isn't.

Sounds sort of reasonable to start, "what are the ways to cut costs in your kitchen?" To bad it immediately breaks down from there as two totally self indulgent egotistical food writers go on to dispense sage advice such as:

Worth it...

Good corkscrew

Don't laugh. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to take a good bottle of wine to someone's house and find that the only corkscrew they've got is one of those $1.99 drugstore ones with solid screws that are good only for splitting corks. Come on, spend an extra couple of bucks and get one with a hollow auger (it will look like a corkscrew rather than a sheet metal screw). You can find them for around $10 and you won't believe the difference.--R.P.

Saffron

Tagged as the world's most expensive spice -- you can buy a 2 1/2 -pound case of saffron on amazon.com for $4,410 -- saffron is the key ingredient in many regional dishes, such as paella and bouillabaisse as well as certain pilafs and tagines. They depend on its unique grassy flavor and startling yellow color. Authenticity has its price, of course, but it's not so bad when you consider how little you need of the stuff. It's also another one of those wacky ingredients that make you think, wow, who comes up with this stuff? Dried crocus stigmas. What demented gardener thought of putting that in the stew?--A.S.

Good dried pasta

Cheaping out on spaghetti, rigatoni and penne is false economy when you can find terrific brands such as Latini, Rustichella d'Abruzzo and Maestri selling for only a couple of bucks a box more than the industrial stuff. The differences between brands may be hard to appreciate when you're tasting the noodles by themselves, but taste them with a sauce and you'll be blown away by how much clearer and more defined the flavor is. --R.P.

and NOT worth it...

Expensive knives

My wife is going to howl with laughter when she reads this because I've got two knife blocks jammed full, and more in a drawer. But 98% of all the cutting I do is with a chef's knife or a paring knife. The rest of it, I confess, is nothing more than a cutting-edge indulgence. So let's agree never again to mention that 12-inch antique French carbon steel ham slicer, OK?--R.P.

White truffles

There is no one who loves white truffles more than I do. But I can count on one hand the number of times I've had white truffles in this country that approach the quality of the ones you get in Italy. There, you can smell the truffles being sliced from across the room. Here, most of the time you practically have to bury your nose in a dish before you get any of their perfume. Luxury ingredients are wonderful when there is a payoff; otherwise they're the culinary equivalent of gold-plating bathroom fixtures.--R.P.

Crème brûlée torch

These dainty, prissy little tools, sold in kitchen supply stores for upward of $50, take all the fun out of burning sugar in the first place. You want a good caramelized top on your crème brûlée? Use a blow torch. They cost about a quarter of the price, work a lot better -- and you can solder pipes with them too.--A.S.

OK, so I just lost my house in a f'ed up mortgage and have moved my family into an apt. I'm thinking to myself. Hmmm, whats for dinner? Oh, I can save some money by cutting out my imported flavored salts and forgoing that creme brule torch. Whew! Saved some bucks there! Now I just have to make sure I save further by picking up some Saffron. It may be the world's most expensive spice, but hey! You don't use that much. I'll stop here before I enter Criagslist best of rant territory.

Full ridiculousness here.